Wednesday, December 16, 2009

merry christmas - Cristmas-e-shoma mobarak

















Merry christmas every body hope you have a great holiday and have a really succesfull of new year...all of the best

--------------------

kaashki hame adamaye ashegh dele hamo nemishkoondan..
kaashki beham miresidan..
kaashki manaye eshgh jodayee naboood.
hamash shod kaashki...
begzarim..asheghio sookhtananam vase khodesh ye aalamie..
chrismas evo hame adamaa stress az inke bayad che kadoyee begiran vase nazdikeshoon ta labkhando to labesh bebinan ye lahze..
bichare adamayee ke pooli nadaran..
hame ye shoori darano eideshoon dare miad..
party har jayee hasto hava sardo emrooz kami aftab...
papa noel ham ke hedieie har kaso kheili khoob mide bekhodaa,..
man ke hamishe doosesh midaram...
dige chi begam...
chrismas va sale noye miladie hame mobarak..
sale khoobi dashte bashin va por bar va por salamat..
omidvaram harki kenare khanevadash ya hade aghal doostaye nazdik ya loveresh shad bashe to in lahazat..X0X0x0
-------------------

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Ye Shabe Khoob, Tavalodi Dobare .:. Re Born .:.















emshab shabe kheili khoobi bood..por az ehsasato tazeh kardane khateraat.shabe jashne tavalode dobareye man bood...ba ye daste gole ghshango koli hedieie mohabato doostio eshgh...shabi bood ke behem ehsase eftekhar dado...deltangi..deltangi vase babam..vali ghadr dani az khodaa ke inghad ba doostaye khoob mohafezatam mikone..behem mikhad peygham bede..bege..shad bash...vali dar eine ham ke shadi...ghametam jaye khodesh...taa adolo khast bargharar kone ke yeho akharesh boghzam terekid..baba kojayee..maman kojayee...delam vase har dotoon kheili tang shode...mitarsam ...mitarsam hamin doostamam ye rooz nabashano faghat deltangi...khodaaa mersi..shabe kheili ghashango por manayee bood...omidvaram hame salem bashano hameye doostayee ke bahashoon ye roozi kenare ham boodimo ya hata mishnakhatam salemo shad bashan..omidvaram kesi goshne namoone to in doniaa..omdivaram hame be arezoohaye ghshangeshoon beresan...omidvaram hame salem bashano shado movafagh..omidvaram hame adamaa ghadre hamo bedoonan ghable inke kheili dir she...omidvaram kesi to in doniaa tanhaa namoone va ye kesi ro dashte bashe vasash ashk berize hata ye gharibe ashenaa...bara hamatoon arezooye hame chio daram...mersi az hame chi...dooostdare hamishegitoon @};-

--------------------------------

What a great night...It was full of happiness and hope.
I appreciate it..
Thank you my friends..
Thank you for loving me..and take care of me..for thinking about me..
Thank you for remind me my real birthday which is my surgery date.
Thank you for anything..
Thanks GOD
my wishes all of the best for people and anybody that i know and i love.
I hope one day anybody get anything that they wanted.
Thank you universe...@};-
---------------------------------

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Dorooghe

Geryeham haghighi ... khandehaam dorooghiiii
hameye in rooza hamash dorooghe...
har saniash.har chi adamaa migan dorooghe..bavar nakoninaaa
ye sar aaban adamaa..
be sadegie ye icone chate yahoo mirano mian..bavar kon...
Geryeham haghighi ... khandehaam dorooghiiii
hame larzeshe dasto delam az aan bood ke eshgh panaahi gardad..
ay ehsgh ay eshgh chehreye sorkhat peidaa nist..
ye panah..
ye ashioone...
ye aghooshe por az etminano rasti ke toosh betooni saa at haa gerye konio harchi behet gozashte berizi..tazeh koni khodeto..shokoofaa..tazegi..shadabi..
ye hamraah...
ye dele sadeh..
ye divooneh.
to in fasle sarde jodayeee moondamo zamoonam pore gham gozashto migzare..
che eltemasi vase to kardam..
khooneye garme eshghemo bi to che bi foroogh didam
mese roozaye aval...kaashki dooset nadashtam...
kashki manam mese to boodam...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

otoobane sholoogh poloogh

zehnam ye otoobane por terafice ba mashinaye mokhtalef ke mese ye adam mikham beram oontarafe otooban va hameye in mashinaro ke az kenaram migzaran pass konam ta nakone yekishoon mano bezane...
sholooghe ...koli adamo mashin tooshan
daram divoone misham..
nemishe khabid mese ghablanaa..
dige jaye gerye nist ke khabam bebare..
say mikonam be noktehaye mosbat fek konam..
vali moshkelaat ke manfi nemishan..
oonaro bayad hal konam to zamane moshakhas shode..
kholase inke ajab roozayee e,...
bazi vaghta delam be hale khodam misooze,..
begzarim...inam az emshab..bebinim farda chie..
emrooz vase khodesh majarayee bood..
shabetoon bekheir @};-

Friday, October 23, 2009

Darbareye man on rooza (about me these days)















rasti site khanoome "molk ara" ke yeki az trans woman haye shenakhte shodeye irane ke az khomeini tayeedieie amale jarahie taghyere jensiato gereft ro daryaft kardam
shayad be darde kesayee bokhore ke bekhan etelaa ati dashte bashan ya komaki

http://www.gid.org.ir/main_f.htm

dige age bekham az khodam begam ke ...ghatiam hamin...mese axare rooza shayad bishtar.. shokr mikonam az hameye nokate mosbati ke miad baram..
chrismas nazdikevo...har kasi vase khodesh divooneh ke karasho zood anajam bede..bebinim in chrismas papa nooel chi baram miare..???
manam gereftae dade gaaho darso marizie jesmanimo negarane joor kardane pool vase gharzavo badbakhtihaa...
bad nabood oonayee ke ziraki weblogamo negah mikonano etelaa at mikhan kasb konan raje be zendeh boodanamo nemidoonam chikara mikonam..ye commenti ye ahval porsi mikardan..begzarim dobare shaki shodam..dar akahr begam ke doniaie ajibie...hamishe surprizat mikone akahresham omidvaram be khoobi khabe doniaam tamoom she..felan ke daram raho miram omidvaram eshtebah naram,...

dar nahayat inke az eshgh sohbati nist..ye kharaaabasto ye biaboon pore derakhtaye khoshko shekasteh..

baroonam ke nemiad dige..na goli hasto na nahaali..o na booyee.

faghat khaterasto ayandeh o haal...

deltange kesayee ke to delam jaa darano dige be fekre hamashoon

dige chi begam..heiiii..delam gerefte vali khob engari in dore zamoone hame deleshoon ye jooorayee gerefte...

shekayati nis..khoobe ba ye sher tamoomesh konam...

GHESE NISTAM KE BEKHANI...tanhayee am hame chim ...dardhaam..
man darde moshtarakam...maraaaa faryaaad kon @};-

Saturday, September 26, 2009

9 Signs a Guy Is a Keeper






9 Signs a Guy Is a Keeper









#1. Keeper clue: He has his act together.
This seems like a no-brainer, but it's a good place to start. "It's very important that you two be able to have a lot of fun together, so a party boy or a screw-up will probably not work out for you," says Mira Kirshenbaum, a family and couples therapist and author of Is He Mr. Right? "No matter how charming he is, if he is still struggling to grow up, it will get very old, very fast."
More Glamour:
Five Secrets All Guys Keep From You
Seven Things a Guy's Bedroom Says About Him

#2. Keeper clue: He puts you first.
Picture a delicious platter of grilled steak. Does your man offer it to you first to pick the best piece? He does if he's a keeper! "When it comes to taking the best piece of meat or offering it to you, that's a metaphor for how he'd always put you first the rest of your life," says Rachel Greenwald, author of "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought of You After Your Date."

#3. Keeper clue: He's not afraid of your germs.
You know a guy is really into you when he can't stay away, even when you're bedridden and snotty. "When you're sick with the flu, he says, 'Let me come over and take care of you,' rather than, 'Oooh, you sound really contagious... call me when you're feeling better,'" Greenwald says.

#4. Keeper clue: He's a family man.
He asks about your family, and he seems to genuinely want to hear about them. "Interest in your family shows that he thinks about you as a whole person, and he knows that being with you means understanding and accepting your relatives too," says Sarah Harrison, senior editor of yourtango.com.

#5. Keeper clue: He makes time for your friends.
In the beginning of your relationship, does your man show an interest in meeting your besties? And does he follow it up with a plan, like hosting a low-key dinner party? "Friends are an important part of your life, and his knowing them makes him more involved with you." Harrison says. "Plus, he'll have to deal with them at some point, so initiating it himself shows maturity."

#6. Keeper clue: He's your biggest cheerleader.
And she even has a poem:
When your guy calls your mom to tell her about your promotion before you do, that should tell you something. A man who is supportive of you and your goals is typically a guy who doesn't "feel threatened by your success," says Kirshenbaum. "He knows who he is and where he's going," which means he can ultimately be there for you.

#7. Keeper clue: He remembers the little things.
Does your man really listen to you? You'll know he's a keeper if you tell him you have a big scary work meeting and the next time you talk, he asks how it went. Or if you tell him you left your sunglasses at his house and he remembers them on your next date. "Following up on things you say to him means he pays attention to you -- always a good sign," Harrison says.

#8. Keeper clue: He's happy when you're happy.
This is the guy who "goes to a chick flick with you on Friday night rather than an action film -- not because he actually wants to, but because it makes you happy," says Greenwald.

#9. Keeper clue: He makes you the best you can be.
A guy who makes you feel like the luckiest woman alive -- like you can (and should!) be your confident, fabulous self -- is worth hanging on to. "It's not just about how you feel about him but more about how he makes you feel about yourself," Kirshenbaum says.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

.:: My Kittens ::.















I wanted to give my cat an oppurtunnity to have kittens child.


Now I feel so happy because i have two of the cutiest kittens in the world.

one of my WebLog's comments





in yek comment hast az yeki az doostan ke baramoon neveshtan..

عزيز جان چرا اينقدر خودت اذيت مي كنينمي دونم چه اصراري است كه مي خواي از واقعيت فرار كنياصلا فكر كن كه زن ترانس يه نسل ديگه از بشريت است كه تو طبقه زن ها قرار مي گيرهبين زن ترانس و زن ژنتيك خيلي فرق است بدن ، صورت ، صدا ، آلات تناسلي و...حتي احساس آن ها هم لطيف و زنانه نيست چون دوران جواني و شكل گرفتن شخصيتشون بصورت مرد بودهبهتره واقعيت رو قبول كني و از زندگيت لذت ببري

bayad begam be dooste azizemoon mamnoonam azin commnete delsoozanashoon va bayad khaterneshan konam ne ishoon ya har kase dige ke be zaher kheili ashnaa ba transa hastan va shayad ham khodeshoon ham yeki az maha bashan,...

age komaki az man sakhtas baraye behboodie haleshoon va ya age moshkeli daran ke monjar be neveshtane in joor commment va nazarkhahi mishe,.,,mitoonan az man rahnamayee bekhan ta masire zendegio shayad ba komake ham behtar betoonim tei konim..

nagofte namoone:

HARKESI KE VAGHT MIZARE VA NOKTEHAYE BADI AZ TARAFE MOGHABELO GOOSHZAD MIKONE VA BA ESHARE BE TAMAME NOKATE MANFI MIKHAD KE TARAFE MOGHABELESH RO KHOORD KONE...BOZORGAN MIGAN AVAL AZ HAME khodeto bebin bad digarano ba kastihashoon eshareh kon.

PAS TO DOOSTE AZIZ AGE VAGHT GOZASHTIO BARAM AZ FARGHEMOON GOFTIO AZ INKE MAHA BE PAYE ZANAYE GENETIC BE GHOLE KHODET NEMIRESIM...IN MOSHKEL RO DAR KHODET MIBINI VA MOTMAENAM KAMBOODI DAR ZENDEGIT HAST KE TORO KHOSHNOOD NEMIKONE TA BEBINI AFRADI MESE MAA VASE KHODEMOON ZENDEGI MIKONIM NA VASE DIGARAN...AZ GHAFASE TAN AZADIM VA NEGHABO KE AXARE MARDOM BE SOORAT DARAN MAHA BARDASHTIM VA MESE YE AZADEH ZENDEGI MIKONIM...PAS CHE KHOOB BOOD KAASHKI MAN MITOONESTAM DAR OON GHAMI KE AZIETET MIKONE VA MIKHAY BA KhOORD KARDANE KESI KHOSHNOOD SHI BEHET KOMAK MIKARDAM DAR HAR HAL MITOONI BEHEM EMAIL BEDI VA MAN TA JAYEE KE BETOONAM BEHET KOMAK MIKONAM>>>
Omidvaram toham be arezoohayee ke dar hasratesh moondio naresidi beresi...vali age man zafi dashte basham va kamboodi say mikonam dar khodam jostejoo konam na dar zaf haye digaran
sir be piaaz goft to cheghad badbooyee...ghafel az khodesh

DOOOSTDARE TO NAZANIN,,...nevisandeh

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Atash dar Neiestan

nei be atash goft :

kin ashooooooooooob chiiiiiiiiiiiiiist????????

mar tora zin sooookhtan matlooob chist?

goft atash bisabab nafrookhtam

davie bi maniat raaaaaaaaaa soookhtam

darde bi dardi alaajash atash ast.

soookht chon ashki ke bar jaani fotad

darde bi dardiiii alajash atash ast..

atash ast

@};-

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

kheili vaghte

kheili vaghte naneveshtam az delam..
kheili vaghte az dele gereftam naneveshtam..
kheili vaghte dige mano to delamoon vase ham nemitape...
kheili vaghte ke dige negahet be adamaaye jadide..\
kheili vaghte ke dige doosam nadari mese roozaye aval..
kheili vaghte ke dige negahet ...negahe inke mimiram barat nist..
kheili vaghte ke dige man to doniaye arezoohat dige jaa nadaram
kheili vaghte ke dige kalaamet..kalame asheghoone nist...
kheili vaghte ..are nazanin..
darim say mikonim hamo az yaad bebarim...
har joori ke shode be ham fek nakonim..
are kheili vaghte...
age oon rooza gerye mikardam az chesham..bedoon ino ke dige hala az daroon migeryamo faryaad mizanam to sokoote sooto koore delam..
dige vase ham tazegi nadarim
dige delet vase nadidanam tang nemishe..
dige niaazet mano har rooz didan nist..
dige niazat fargh karde,...
kaashki ooni ke bade man miad to ghalbet nadoone ke man cheghad dooset daram
hava sard shodo tavalode manam ye bare dige gozasht
bavaram nemishe hanooz bade in hame ghamo shekasto del gereftegi
ye sale dige ro poshte sar gozashtam..
khoda kone be doniaie faramooshi beramo hichi yadam nabashe azin roozaa..
hamishe dooset daramo to ghalbami.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

be omide eftekhaaar va azadi o hagh

doos daram ye roozi oonghad ghodrat dashte basham ke faryad bezanam...are man transam...mn zanam....vali hich farghi ye transe zan ba ye zane genetic nadare...mikham tab izaa bere...kashki oon rooz zendeh bemoonam..bekhodaaa mikham kari konam vase ham no aam nemidoonam chejoori...az bas bal haamo shekoondan...nemitoonam parvaz koam dige vali daram kam kam bal hamo dobare tarmim mikonam ..mikham dobare besham mese ghadimaa parandeye azaad ..na parandeye too ghafas...mikham bara hoghooghemoon bejangim hamamoon..kari nadaram ki mikhad ki nemikhad..nemikham jaar bezanim ke transim...mikhaim begim maa ham mese hameye adamaye dige hagh darim be tore mosavi...hichki hagh nadare gender identity ro ba sexual orientation ghati kone...mikham hamamoon azin maske penhanio sokoote monzajer konanadeyee ke hamamon ekhtiar kardimo sharm darim ke hamo too khiaboon bebinim ye salam begim biaim biroon ..ye rooz pride e ma bashe..mikham mese hame shoghl dashte bashim na shoghle prastitute...mikham hamamoon az tanhayee dar biaim...vaghti rah berim..mese har adami azadi eftekhaar...be omide azadio hagh bara hamamoon va zerndegie behtar baraye ayandegan....

ba dardhayat ashnaaam
dastan nisti ke bekhanamat...
naale nisti...ya dardo del.
to ye zakkhme moshtaraki....
doooset daram har jaa ke bashi....
bara hamamoon doaa mikonam...
be omid be khodaaa age khodaaa ma ro injoori afaride khodesham komak mikone...
khodaa komakemoon kon

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Human Rights




I am in the world to change the world

I have my rights and i need people respect me and respect to eachother...

Human need to respect to their self-identified and the way the present themselves..

I am tired of discrimination against me..

Swear to God....I am going to stand for my right even they make my life hard and harder..

My desires are to get:


FREADOM....RESPECT...PEACE AND LOVE

BEDONIAAA OOMADAM TA DONIAA RO AVAZ KONAM,...

khodaaa komakam kon...

age kamaramo shekoondan..leh shodam..mikham daste komaketo..

be name khodaaaa

Monday, July 13, 2009

maman babaaaaaaaaaaaa

maman...babaaa...kojayeeen..
khooone dobare sooto koore....
gham dobare hame jaro gerefte..
kaashki pisham boodin hamishe...
kaashki bemoonin vasam hamishe..
delam kheili baratoon tange...
boghze naboodetoon nafas keshidano..gozashtan az khatereharo baram dochandan moshkel karde..
kashki ghadretoono bedoonam..
dooosetoon daram hamishe..
delam hamishe vasatoon tange bekhodaaa to in ghorbat

Saturday, July 04, 2009

narin az pisham. :((



Don't leave me in this country..
I'll miss you so much...
I need you at this moment so bad..
I wish see all the morning your lovely face..
I feel safe when you are here..
Don't leave me please...
I feel i need you forever..
i feel we were not together even one day..
I don't know how can i pass without you when you're leaving..
I feel great when you are here..
feel safe and secure..
...........
narin azinjaaa...
bekhodaaa delam kheili tange hamishe baratoon..
ashkam band nemiaaad..
dari sobhoone amadeh mikoni tebghe mamoole har sobh,..
tarkam nakonin..bekhodaaa behetoon kheili mohtajam
ehsase ajibi daram vaghti sayatoon kenarame..
ehsase amniato ehsase kesi ke vasam mimire age ye torim beshe..
narin az pisham...
engar in roooza vaghe eee nistan..
kheili zood gozashtano migzaran..
nemikham raftanetoono bebinam.,..
az dooritoon nemidoonam cheghad davoom biaram.,.
berasti ke eshghe vaghe eee shomaha hastin...
karam shode har sobh ashk rikhtan vase tasavore rooze raftanetoon..
akhe ki gofte man bayad az shomaha joda basham...
akhe cheraaaa??????
in che doniaieee e...
hala mibinam ke nadidanetoon asoontar bood ta tajdide khaterehaaa..
kheili delam gerefte...
nemidoonam che hesie..
baham harfi nemizanim...vase ghamaye delemoon
vali az negahemooon migim beham hamo mifahmimo...kenare hamim..
kesi nemitoone behet sadame bezane..
maa kenare hamim..
to in ghorbate..sardo tanhayeee..
to in ghorbati namardio..pore maddi
to ghorbate masnoo eee o pore farib...
narin az pisham toro khodaaa..
mimiram...
khodaaaa komakam kon..

Sunday, June 07, 2009

where R U? (kojayee?????????????)





Where are u?????????
my love??????
i am waiting for you so long????
please show me yourself before being so late...
please come to me..if you are for me..if you are with me..
bring for me peace and love...spoil me with you love and loyalty..
bring me hope and life..
i am waiting for you...
please come..
don't let me that i get old in here..
lonely..
don't let that all of my energy to loving you being wasted in grief..
come here..
come to me..
i am waiting for you..
i am dying to see you..
----------------------


migan to in doniaa harki vase ye nafar afaride shode...
migan tanhaa nemimooni..
belakhare ye roozi..oon miad..
age harjaa hasti khodeto neshoon bede bezoodi..
daram injaa mipoosam..
daram to in ghafase eshghe dorooghin..mimiram..
daram degh mikonam..
bia mano ba khodet bebar..
vali toro khodaaa age indafe oomadi..dige to doroogh nabash
age bashi..man mimiram..
age mikhay biaio ye rooz beri..niaaa..nemikhamet..
ye eshghe abadi mikham..ye yare hamishe momeno yavare hamishegi mikham..
age paash hasti mardo mardoone..paye hameye chizaaa....
biavo delamo shad kon..biavo behem omide taze bede..
biavo behem aramesho eshgh bede..
biavo sirabam kon..
hamoonjoori ke dige hichi dige azam namoonde
zood bia toro khodaaa
az ghosevo gerye vo tanhayee..az in hame khooni ke to dele man hameye adamaye dorooghi kardan daram mimiram
age mikhay biai biaa..roozo vaghtesh...dige taghat nadaram bekhodaaa
khodeto neshoon bede..
bidarigh montazeretam,...
nazar injaa talaf besham..

Friday, May 08, 2009

my feel ...tonight

stress..
busy in my head...
depression..
terrefied..
In secure..
running away from people
listening to any signs..
waiting..
keep moving...
pushing myself..
shame..
shy...
frustrated..
feel pf lack of my needs.
scared...
crazy

some messages!!!

مرگ خیلی آسان می تواند الان به سراغ من بیاید، اما من تا می توانم زندگی کنم، نباید به پیشواز مرگ بروم. البته اگر یک وقتی ناچار با مرگ روبرو شدم، که می شوم، مهم نیست، مهم این است که زندگی یا مرگ من چه اثری در زندگی دیگران داشته باشد" ماهی سیاه کوچولو - صمد بهرنگی

BUTTERFLY

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us.

We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

I asked for Strength.........
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom.........
And God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity.........
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage.........
And God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love.........
And God gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors.........
And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted ........
I received everything I needed!

Trust in God. Always !

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

KEY




How many times I should answer your stupid question,that i am woman,
What do you think?
Am i look like a guy?
If you are wondering about my gender,keep in your mind and don't ask me stupid question...
What are two most famous feature of a woman?
Breast or her dress or her feature and posture and gesture..
Or their names..So if you saw one of these signs why you keep asking me the same question to make me down...
If you asking a child who I am?
Easy will tell you I am a female...
So why not you.,.
Your brain growed more than a child..
So why you makes this simple things complicated..
I am so tired..
I can't live like this..
allways waiting for some stupid comment or question about my gender to make me upset.
These days I have a very difficulty with my living...
shakspier("to be or not to be")
do i shpuld keep being alive or finish it..
I am not living in reality..
I am just alive..try to pass my times of life
try to pass my ages as soon as i can..
what's teh point?...
you tell me..
I am not so negetive person..
try to be positive everytime..
to have a good view and face of life and future..
But there is no future for me..
I am failier..
I failed in this exam..
I can't live without hope and lots of stress
I can't breath like this..
I want to go...
to go anywhere that not see even one single human...
I am so shame of as a human.,.
Who is writing these bla bla..
Is that me..
or maybe these are dream..
give me an answer..
give me a solution to have peace..
even that solution has to be That I being die..
Help me for the last moments..
Help me...
how many days..
I should ask you..
Give me the Key...
Open the door for me..
I want to fly..to the world that has peace and hapiness.
KEY

Thursday, April 16, 2009

?!

DON"T DON"T TALK
SHAME>>>
NO HATE>>>
TIRED
CLOSE YOUR EYES>>.

ARE YOU READING MY SHIT

DON"T WASTE YOUR TIME

THESE ARE ALL BALLSHIT>...

DISGUSTING TALK

TIRED

best is sleeepp

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

ENOUGH




What are you trying to tell me...
My creation..
My time...
Energy..Universe..God...Good and bad..
happy and sad..
An invention in Human life..
If i did something wrong or any of my old old centuray..
please forgive me and forgive them..
I need to be relax..
I can't live like this..
This life doesn't have no mean to me..
If you can't help me for a living..
please halp me for being in better world that I should be..
I missed my smile..
I missed to be happy..
I need to be safe..
I need to feel safe and peace with love..
Love was a medecine before to make me calm of all of these pain..
but i can't find this medicine anymore..
if you gave me this pain so you should have some medecine for it..
gave me some pain killer..
I want to forget for a moment..
but no..even moment is not enough for me anymore..
I want to feel valuable..
I want to feel important with no fear..
feel proud not shame..
i believe going to sleep for couple hours is one of your solution.
But i want to live..
if this is not a right place...
let me fly..
I feel, i can't fit in here..
even after my surgery i feel i am in a cage..
I want to be free of all of pain..
bring me up with all of your power...
believe me...I am tired..
i need a long sleep or starting again in another skin..
I don't need any cage..
How much skills do you need of me to pass me from this world..
I livesd enough in hell
TAKE MY HAND..
TAKE MY SOUL...
I FEEL Horrible..
HOW MANY TIMES I SHOULD BEG YOU...
I HEARED YOU WILL GIVE ANYTHING TO YOUR HUMAN...
I THINK I DESERVE IT..
GIVE IT TO ME
PLEASE..
PLEASE.
..
i
nothing..
..
nothing really..
..
ii

.:: PHOBIA ::.




Phobia of seeing any human...
Have a fear to go outside even though for your grocery.
I don't want people see me as a tranny...or anythings that they call.
I feel so bad about myself...
about one hour i got dressed but avoid to go out of the door.
outside something waiting for me to makes me cry..
I want having money and stay at home all my life..
I am not feel safe to go out of my home...
I don't want to hear more bad things or seeing bad looking.
I can't live like this..
This is terrible..
I want to be disapeard..
I need a solution beside give up.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Feel Empty




Feel empty..
Hope has no mean to me...
Tired..
So weak to pass time..
Pleople keep hurting me..
I want to disapeard from them..
I have no reason to stay to have this disgusting times..
Hei,How are you? do you feel better?
Yes,I do.Thank you.(I don't have no choice..I should lie to you..
because people wants to see you happy even with some tablet to make you silent)
My depression is part of my real life.
When people telling me:
No Woman has a big hand like you,
You face sculp is so masculan like a guys.
Your voice are so deep
You are so tall
Your walking is like a man..
Your fucking things like a man..
can you believe somebody told me..
My laughing is like a man..
can you believe one of my close friend said to me,that:
Your face is so masculan look like a man..and because I really care about you
and want to be honest with you just telling you, that so easy anybody in the street
can recognize you as a transsexual because your so masculan looking..
GOD...poor me..what a good friend..Thank you to be honest with me my dear,..
thank you for you honesty..bring me to suicide feeling and feel shit and down..
I have PTSD...You think i feel better between these people..
I came here for better life..what a joke..
everywhere are the same..
look at those persian people that they are proudly see me so down and feel
so sorry to me, because they think i am a monkey or have a mind problem...
or confused...
I feel i am like those old ugly ladies that they don't have no hope of their
beauty and have a nice love and romance and try just show their certificate to cell
themselves...God..God..or maybe..energy..or who you are..do you like to be call as a God?...are you alone like me?...If you are...you should understand me..what's my feeling is?...I feel isolated..I feel empty...no hope..
I lost my way...
Please help me again find my way..
So thankfull what you done to me..
As you create me like this..please help you creation to be completed in a best way..
I need your help not human help...
I need trust..and loving between me and you...
bring me in a good way that i should be..
I love you...
hmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmm hhmh hm hm...
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
howooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ho ho ho
hodie hoh haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hodie..haaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmm
hooooooooooo

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

FUCK UUUUUUUUUUUUU



I don't know what can i say...
it is midnight...shivering...headache and exiety..
sad,...depressed...
which i know most of people made a comment that i am depressed...
They even tired to see me...
They after a while said that doesn't love me anymore..
They want to get rid of me..
They are tired to fall in love with me and being with me ...
Their feeling which was loving me ..changed and They don't love me anymore..
They just want to be a friend..lol...
They are worried about me..and because i begging them to be with me..
they allways try to contact with me...
They don't know how they can broke up..
They are tired...
and they will do some things for me that in reality they don't want to do..
they just bunch of somethings..that i trust..
what a funny story,...
They can be friend ..but why i can't?
their feeling changed because they found i am not match with them..
but why when i found this my feeling did not changed..
their answer is ..because i am a woman..but you because your feeling to me as a loving on the fist days was in your short not in your freaking heart
but i can see so many girls fuck the boys and forgetting them for all of their life..
even not bothering them abymore..
so who the hell i am?
Myabe i am just a freak lonely..depressed..unsuccessfull..and un interactive lady..
and waiting for them..please..
please..please...acept me..please don't leave me.,..
if you break up with me, or not see me anymore..i will do suicide..
poor me...freak...
God..I hate myself..
I hate anybody around me..
what a bunch of ....
You are feeding them in their lonelyness with you love and heart then they becaome like a monster try to eat and hurting you,,..
they will put a knife in your heart...just telling you..thank you so much for loving me...now is a time to hurting and go be with another girls..
because i am slut...
because I am nothing,.
because i do not have no sense of humar..
because I am successfull and your love wasting my time..
what is the point to sharing these bollshit...
I want to leave you...quit bugging me...
without you i will be the most successfull person in the world..
You are in my way now..
My love is seasonal..will be changed every moment..so
you are my love today.,.and tomorrow you will be my friend..
how can i be your friend?..no friend did not see their naked body and have sex..oh...
oh i forget...oh..i got that..ok..you are open minded..i understand now..
you are from new senturies...
you know...god i am so thankfull of you to say all the time bunch of ball shit that you love me...and lied to me...played with my hapiness and sense..
right now..i think is better if you want to help me..
honesty...kill me with your dirty hand and heart..
I feel better...I don't want to believe that you guys are so untrustable..
I do not think in all of my life i ever can trust man ...
i am not femenist but i am so sorry most of you..are pig..
i love bacon but not pigs..
too bad for you guys not having me in your life..
I had the most sexy gorgeous comment that all people made for me than you guys..
what you have?..money...girls..sex...fun..sucess..
Is all nothing to me when you don't have no sense of humar in your fucking life
go fuck yourself with your sucessfull life and you future love.
God i am Mad..
I want to bite a piece of ground..right now..
You guys hurt me..for so long...
I will be so lucky if i have a gift of forgetness and forget you lovely means guy..
i wish finding just one man in my life..
Thank you..appreciate
see you in end of this fucking non sense world...

FUCK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Friday, March 27, 2009

a rainy day...



Waiting for messages..
Waiting for any words that could make you feel better...
Angry and sad of what's going on...
Sound maybe will only things can talk with you..
Maybe rain,
Maybe just a real smile...
Maybe just a word of Love...

I'm tired...
I'm freezing....
I need a real hug...
I need a warm love..
I need love..
I missed something...
I need trust...
I need feel secure...
I missed my real smile in the pictures...
I missed my real laughing...
I missed lots of hope for future...
I missed to feel romantic...
I missed a love touch..
I missed playing and be silly just for a moment with my love..
I missed a real kiss...
I feel dead..but i am breathing..confused...
I missed my hometown..
I missed my parents...
I missed wind, smell of the ocean..
I missed feel sexy and dance like a butterfly....
I missed my beauty.

time passing.,...
spring came..
is my new year..
Birds have something for me...
I am sure..could not be right like this..
hope should be somewhere..
I want again Love rise..like a sunrise every morning..

A) Hello Sunshine...
give me a kiss...
you know i love you,....
I would die without you...


B) why you crying?....

A) because i love you...that's why...
promiss me you never leave me alone..


B)
God ..how can i leave you...
you are so gorgeous...

Thursday, March 26, 2009

How many times???




I don't know how many time,how long i should carry on this shitty feeling. ?????


the same stuff..even shame to say the word "love".

feel terrible for my self and shame of me....feel stupid to thinking about that person and feel empty and so needy,
in all of my life this was something else...i tried to fix many problems but this is killing me..making my breath tight..my brain like shrinking...is like a worm most of my moment is eating me from inside..feel so weak..feel sorrow...grief..anger, because allways reminding for my needs and asking too much..expecting..how long like this? how many days...I asked help of universe but nothing happened yet...still waiting for changes..to see happy days..to see peace ..to feel breath and relax..to get spoiled...to see that they makes you out and allready not thinking of you or your feeling but still begging them...what a sad story..


How many times i should write these same feeling again and again....

How people can change themself and their feeling and why i can't...

How people can fix their peroblem after a while but for me is like forever...


I need some help...I tried so much helping myself...


GOD HELP ME..I'm begging you this time..not them.help me.I DESERVE MORE THAN THIS...

can't trust...tired of uuuu all






Yesterday was mostly bad day..lots of emotional and hurting.


let me review my day.


I had a bad reflect from somebody and made me lots of motional stuff


one of my teacher that i was really believed that she understood before my TS


sent me email to say that she missed me but in her email mentioned that i am"he".lol


like she told on her email:I saw your card on my desk and i sent you email to know how he is doing..and i hurt alot actually or when i was doing compassion with one of my close friend and


i said that i am happy my mom calling me my original name..wich is my girl name in persian and she mentioned to me..that my original name is not a girl name is a boy name..anyway that was mostly all of my shit from yesterday..




Mostly people(sisgender or Non-Trans) that saying they understand us and believe as we are..they are lier..they lie so bad..In my experience They all see you in a phisics of body that you born not your real geneder that you are and they all lie to you...I can not trust people anymore,




I'm tired...honesty.,..tired of anybody...

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Why I am not a happy person?


These days most of the time thinking,Why I am not a happy person?

What's going on?

Why i lost my real smile?


Well,mostly will say think positive and try to focus on what you have.
sure,I will do.but they are not enough to make me satisfy.Or I can tell I am human and my creation is like I want more and more..better.I want peace..
I think some main reason really bothering me these days.

What i know, first is realtionship.
I allways want to have a love in my life.
We can have love with anythings and anybody.
Somepeople could love with their job or making money.
Some people like me need love someone and having back.
I love to share my feeling, soul and body with someone that i love.
Second,I think because of my health after surgery.
I feel great what i done, but I have really rare complicated in my body.
still about year and half,I feel sick sometime in my stomach because i am not able to pee
and taking antibiotic for year and half and waiting for doctor's decissions that could help me,less financial cost.but overal if i had money just for tickets to goand return to montreal i would go for consultation and rather to see my surgeon Dr.Brassard than waiting for the doctor's in BC that they don't have no idea how can they fix it.Third, is being away of my family.specially in persian new year, you will feel sick of lonlyness and being in a country that have not any persian friend and fanily around you to make a feel of celebration of new year.Homesick is a problem.plus you can not find a good persian friend.most of them they are busy with their family and you can not trust to most of them to have share your privacy because of a bad experience that keep going on withthem in my life.fourth, not having support and feel unsafe in money and emotional in environment.when you are in your country,you feel you have at least one shelter like your parent's home that if any bad things happened you could go there and they'll support you.especially for a persian's girl that they used to having their mom all the time will be so hard.Fifth, Transsexuality which is a guilty label on you forhead for all of your life.guilty pleasure.yes you got that right.every where that you are going you will introduced as a trans if they know your history.They will not introduce you as a nice lady like any normal weman.In some places that they don't know about your T.S,you have a fear that they find out.So almost you are carying this secret for all of your life.plus PTSD which is post theramatical stress disorder that came to your life since you start to transition or before that.The other side effect of transition are hormones.The can depress you for all of your life.you feel so weak and useless sometimes to do anythings.The worth part is people,that allways judge you and makes you fun unless you hide your secrets.Sixth, A good job that will fit you with a good wage.Oh god this is another problem that not having it could cause you feel worth.Your certificates and skills are not acceptable in canada and you need to have a canadian experience in your field which is non of the companies are not gaving you one chance to have that.One of the bigest cause is you are a T.S as you showing or in your document history.companies they don't want to hire a T.S which is a confused and unnormal person.Seventh, I am upset of the peoples in my comunity(TS). Their act, their attitude, Their thought, their desire, Their mind is so different than me.I feel I am not TS.I am something else.I am just woman.I am just a girl.I am another creation from another planet.Oh god..Like E.T. and where is my home..i want to come back to my planet.... :(

There is some Eighth and nineth are that i can not explain right now.I feel tired,physically and motionally.Anyway see you again.

Friday, March 20, 2009

NOROOZ 1388


after my nightmare's valentine day(feel empty and hurt),I decided to not write anymore but seems some energy keep saying write and write..

Today is a Persian New year.(in Persian#1388)

So HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS.HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL YEAR WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND HAPPYNESS BESIDE THE PEACE.

I woke up at 4:30am to pray and make a good wish for anybody that i love special for me.I was looking on the last moments for one TV or Radio chanel to have the traditional music of new year but i did not find it.I felt home sick on the moment.Oh God so lonely..nobody around you to Hug or even to say "Happy New Year".Anyway hope anybody that close to their family being apreciate what they have in their life and be happy.today was a busy day with doctor and Workshop which i am doing is gaving people that are not part of the LGBT2S education to have more understanding for LGBT2S and their respects.
I would love to copy/paste some information about our new year.

here it is:

Persian New Year, also called Norooz (meaning “new day”), falls on March 20th this year
and marks the first day of spring. It’s one of the most important holidays of the year for
families of Persian heritage from various religious backgrounds.
At home, Norooz celebrations are centred around the Haft-Sinn table. This festive table
setting usually features seven key items that correspond to the seven creations, each
beginning with “s”:
Sabzeh – grown wheat or lentil (for re-birth)
Sumanu – wheat germ pudding (for sweetness in life)
Senjed – dried fruit from the lotus tree (for love)
Seer – garlic (for medicine)
Seeb – apples (for beauty and health)
Sumac – berries (for warmth like the colours of the sunrise)
Serkeh – vinegar (for age and patience)
Norooz symbolizes renewal, rebirth, awakening, cleanliness and newness. It brings
families and friends together in celebration, to usher out the cold winter and welcome
in a lively and hopeful spring.
Other holidays highlighted in this program include: the Muslim festival of Eid, the Hindu
and Sikh festival of Diwali, the Jewish festival of Chanukah, Christmas and its various
diverse traditions, and Lunar New Year (an Asian festival).


Preparing for Norooz at home

For Norooz, the Haft-Sinn table may also feature several other iconic items. These
include: one or many goldfish in a bowl (representing life within life), coins (for wealth),
a mirror (for cleanness and honesty), decorated eggs (for fertility), and rosewater
(for its incredible cleansing powers). Colourful candles are also lit on the Haft-Sinn
table for enlightenment and happiness.
Because Norooz is a time for rebirth and purification, many people will clean and
organize their homes, as they prepare to host family and friends. They will also wear
new clothing for the Persian New Year.
Homes are often decorated with festive holiday colours. Reflecting the national colours
of red, green and white, the grouping below offers both bright and muted jewel tones,
and effortlessly combines traditional design with clean modern lines.

Celebrating with food,
family and friends


In Canada, many Persians will host a traditional Norooz dinner
at home with family and friends on March 20. Norooz also
has certain must-have sweets that make the holidays even
sweeter. Traditional Iranian pastries are often found on the
Haft-Sinn table and can include: naan-nokhodchi (chick pea
flour cookies), toot (dried white berries), Aajeel (dried nuts,
berries and raisins) etc.
Here, varying heights and styles of dishware in consistent
colour groupings add dimension to the dessert table. This
eclectic combination offers another creative way of displaying
an array of traditional sweets.

Almond Baklava


Almond Baklava is one of the most popular desserts prepared for Norooz. It can be found
in Persian homes throughout Canada and the Middle East. Here is a traditional recipe,
courtesy of the Persian bakery, BC’s Best Coffee. Enjoy!
Syrup: Mix water and sugar together, bring to a boil. Add lemon juice and boil for another
5 minutes. Let cool to 140 F (60 C) before pouring on baklava.
Preparation time: 40 minutes
Baking time: 20 minutes
Serves: 10 people
Suggested serving

Ingredients:

1. Melt butter first, and combine liquid ingredients in bowl, and add salt.
2. After liquid ingredients have been combined, add all of the flour and stir until the mixture has a
dough-like consistency.
3. Divide the mixture into 7oz. (200g) balls.
4. Place the dough balls on a tray and cover it with plastic wrap. Store in a warm area for about an hour.
5. Grease a large tray and preheat the oven to 465 F (240 C).
6. Roll out the balls into paper thin sheets and lay half out in the tray.
7. Add some of the filling mixture to the tray and smooth it out so that all of the pastry is covered.
8. Roll out the remaining half of the pastry into paper thin sheets and use to cover the filling mixture.
9. Brush the top of the pastry with butter and cover it with another layer of pastry.
10. Shape the pastry into squares or diamonds with a sharp knife.
11. Brush the top with butter again and place the tray in the oven for approximately 20 minutes or until
golden brown. (Optional: brush some liquid egg yolk over the pastry before putting it into the oven.)
12. Once the baklava has cooled down, pour the syrup which has been heated to 140 F (60 C) onto
the pastry in the tray.
13. Add some more syrup to the pastry again after one hour to ensure the baklava is soaked.
14. Garnish with pistachio slivers, shredded coconut or icing sugar as desired.

Baklava preparation and baking instructions:

Pastry:
2 ¾ tbsp (40g) butter/shortening
1/3 cup (75mL) homogenized milk
¾ tsp (1g) salt
1 egg
3 1/8 cups (750g) all-purpose flour
Pastry:
1 cup (0.25kg) granulated sugar
¾ cup (200g) water
½ tbsp (7.5mL) lemon juice
Filling:
12 ½ cups (3kg) almond powder
12 ½ cups (3kg) granulated sugar
5 tsp (25g) cardamom

By:HomeSense

Monday, January 26, 2009

.... .. .. . . .

Saturday, January 17, 2009

big big girl

Im a big big girl
In a big big world
Its not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do do feel that
I too too will miss you much
Miss you much...

I can see the first leaf falling
Its all yellow and nice
Its so very cold outside
Like the way Im feeling inside

Outside its now raining
And tears are falling from my eyes
Why did it have to happen
Why did it all have to end

I have your arms around me ooooh like fire
But when I open my eyes
Youre gone...
Comments by: YACCS